Quintessential Russel Brand Fan. Pic: YouGov

Last week market research company YouGov released the ultimate time-wasting, work-avoiding procrastination tool: the YouGov profiler.

The tool allows you to input “any brand, person or thing”. Details of the “typical fan” are then displayed.

The results start with the “demographics page” which lists the supposed age, location, career and political beliefs of said fan.

Next are other sections such as lifestyle, brands, entertainment, online and media preferences. These include variations ranging from the fans’ favourite food, the newspaper they read and even where they bank.

Now hooked on the application, Eastlondonlines decided to investigate the “typical fan” of notable people from the ELL boroughs to see if any surprises crop up.

Pic: Shachenta

Kate Moss, Model, born in Croydon

After combining the profiles of 877 Kate Moss fans, the average figure was a middle-aged man with spare cash amounting to £1,000 each month. Their favourite meal is a ham salad and they have a general interest in cars and motors. They shop at Waitrose and wear Barbour jackets. The website they browsed most often was Pornhub, and they stay informed via Channel 4 News.

Pic: Eva Rinaldi

Russell Brand, Comedian, lives in Shoreditch

The average Russell Brand fan is a Scottish, left-wing young female who works in the media. They are typically vegetarians and enjoy drawing and campaigning for human rights in their spare time. Describing themselves as “alternative”, they wear Converse trainers. They spend a lot of time online (more than 50 hours per week). This may include browsing their favourite publication NME. Mean Girls and The Inbetweeners 2 are their favourite films and they are also fans of Brand’s close friend and ally, Jonathan Ross.

Pic: Piers Allardyce

 Tracey Emin, Artist, born in Croydon and lives in Spitalfields

Emin’s fans tend to be females in their late twenties who live in London. They are of the social demographic group ABC1 (upper to lower middle classes) and enjoy visiting exhibitions. As well as being listeners of Radio 4 and drivers of Mini Coopers, they are also fans of Kate Moss and Louis Theroux.

Pic: Damien Everett

Lord Alan Sugar, Business Magnate, born in Hackney

Sugar’s admirers are typically middle-aged businessmen based in the Midlands who enjoy tuna sandwiches, athletics and slightly right-wing politics. They watch Channel 5 and shop at Asda, wearing clothes bought at Austin Reed and once they are finished, they drive home in a Smart car. They relax by listening to Leona Lewis and Phil Collins and are loyal fans of Sugar’s former “Apprentice” advisor Margaret Mountford. The Mirror and OK magazine are their favourite reads and they never miss an episode of Eastenders.

Quintessential Ray Winstone Fan. Pic: YouGov

Ray Winstone, Actor, born in Homerton

Fans are typically middle-aged men living in the Midlands. They have right-wing political beliefs and their most likely choice of pet would be a cat.

Describing themselves as “barmy”, but occasionally “strong-willed”, they are most likely to shop at Asda, drive an Audi and enjoy Bette Midler songs. They tend to be Daily Star readers and fans of TV game show The Chase.

Pic: Aprillamb

Steve McQueen, Film Director, former Goldsmiths’ student

Fans of multi-award winning director Steve McQueen are women over 60 who work in fashion. They tend to be based in the West Country and hold left-wing views. Their most likely pet is a fish; they shop at Waitrose and bank with HSBC. Unsurprisingly, they like McQueen’s go-to actor Michael Fassbender and their top follow on Twitter is shadow health secretary, Andy Burnham. They are Guardian readers and only watch television for 1 hour a week.

Quintessential Millwall Fan. Pic: YouGov

Milwall FC

Milwall’s typical fan is a male in his late twenties with political beliefs on the extreme right, at least according to YouGov. As well as football, they have an interest in boxing. They wear Ralph Lauren and drive a Citroen. Austin Powers ranks amongst their favourite films and they listen to Daft Punk and Kaiser Chiefs. Perhaps surprisingly, their third favourite celebrity (after Dustin Hoffman and Catherine Tate) is Strictly Come Dancing judge, Craig Revel Horwood.

Pic: Tom Brogan

Crystal Palace FC

Crystal Palace fans are also young males. They have centre-right political views, yet typically work in the government and civil service. They love a chicken korma, have a general interest in sex and relationships and are partial to a Wallace and Gromit film. You can expect to see them running in the London marathon and buying their food at Sainsbury’s. Their top twitter follows are Susanna Reid and Joey Barton and they read the Daily Telegraph.

You can have a go on the profiler yourself by clicking here. Although be prepared to sacrifice that essay, kitchen clean or dog walk you were preparing to do…